About Me

There’s not too much to say about me. I’m a rising junior at an university in the South, and I’m studying History and education because I want to be a high school history teacher when I grow up. I’ve lived in the South my entire life, and I love my state more than any other place in the world.

I decided to write this blog after a diversity training session I had to attend for school. That diversity training session was the first time in five years of being an out gay male, that I actually stood up and talked about what it feels like to be gay. Those “dull aches” you get, when people accept your lifestyle but don’t allow you to get married or even to hold hands. That fear you get when you feel like your family is on the verge of discovering your identity, and they might throw you out.

It’s always hard for me to explain when and how I realized I was gay. I like to ask people who expect me to know “When did you know you were straight? How did you know?” Think about it: it wasn’t like you just woke up one day and realized you were straight. I knew from a very young age that I was attracted to guys, but at the same time I wasn’t sure if that meant anything. I always saw a man and a woman together, so I just assumed that everyone got over their feelings. It wasn’t until late middle school that I learned what the words “gay” and “homosexual” meant. Before then, I had always thought they were insults, right up there with “wuss” or “mamma’s boy.”

Growing up, I frequently heard comments like “stop acting like a girl” and “there will be no faggots in my house” from my parents. However, to this day, my parents believe I am straight. Growing up, they said those things because they felt that I exhibited feminine behavior, like a willingness to play house or interest in shows like “Full House.” I think that has affected me greatly as a gay male: as I first matured into my gay identity, I desperately avoided behaviors or mannerisms which mark me as effeminate.

It is important for me to keep a relative level of anonymity with this blog. Like I said before, I am not out to my parents, and I do not want for them to discover that I am gay through a blog I posted on the Internet. Also, because I am interested in teaching high school, I worry about job safety if any school systems discover that I am gay (since in NC, it still is legal to fire teachers based on their sexuality). Given that, I still hope that my readers and I can get to know each other through my blogging experience.